My regrets~

Thinking back on my 4 years in UTAR, I've realised what a jerk I've been.

I've lost my temper on many of my friends whom I hold dear. Constantly losing my patience and venting my frustrations on wonderful friends that have always been quick to accept my apology and forgive me for being an ass-clown.

My temperament has also got me into arguments with the two person I've known since the very first class we had together and treat as brothers. However, at times, these brief periods of cold war has led me to the point where I am no longer able to see myself as a brother. 

I've offended ppl without even trying... some have experienced it not for the first time. At times I do wonder why is it always me that triggers off these things. Why is it always me that blabs these stupid words.

Lastly, being a jerk for getting into a r'ship too soon. I felt that I've provided only emotional scars in that period of almost 2 years. I wasn't mature enough. If given a chance to do things all over again, we most probably will still be separated, but there are some parts where I wish i could've changed.

I've decided not to include any names as I doubt anyone still reads these ancient blog, those who do will probably know who they are when they see it. At times, it really is difficult to look at them eye to eye and pretend nothing happened after all the shit that I've said. 

Regardless of what has happened, I will always treasure the wonderful memories behind all these stupid moments. 

I wish that, 

for once u know what is going wrong....

enjoy this song while I complete my 100th post....

Update

All intersections come to an end....no matter how beautiful.....=)

Haih....

What happens when ur dad tells u that he doesn't have money to pay for your university fees???

Well, my mom has to fork out every single cent of her extremely small (and getting even smaller) savings....

I really wish to end this nx 2 years ASAP!!! its nt that i don enjoy life in UTAR, but i want to graduate and work and and fend for myself....

I admit i do not live a life of a person who is poverty-stricken and can still afford the occasional entertainment and good meals but this is bcoz of my mom who makes me feel like the luckiest son in the world.

Money is immaterial to her as long as she is able to keep me happy, she teaches numerous tuition classes after a tiring day in school to earn the extra money.

When i didnt manage to get my PTPTN loan, i thought that i was going to suffer from then on... but she never once failed to get me the things i want, she'll always ask whether i have enuf clothes for CNY even after i have used up the money she gave me and also never rejects when i want to go on a trip with frens.

I hate the fact that i m using her hard-earned money, i feel no joy in getting things for myself or when i get gifts for others bcoz it is not mine. Everytime i spend, an ounce of guilt is added to my heart.....

I hate it when people deduce that i m rich bcoz i hav a car, in fact, i feel shameful, bcoz while others are still cycling i gave up to the challenges and asked her for a car. How can a person be poor when he can still drive a car rite? i know, bcoz that's wat i'll think as well....

All i can do now is ask her to persevere for another 2 years. She has made me the luckiest son in the world for the past 19 years, and in 2 years time i want to make her the luckiest and happiest mom for the rest of her life....

thx for everything....u have been my guidance in the past, my present pillar of strength, and you will be the foundation of everything i do in the future..... =)

Ideas

Any suggestions on wat my next post should be about? XD

New Year's Resolutions (finally)....

*sigh of relief* finally i can post this up... i know its already 20th January, but i was having some trouble editing my fonts, as i didn update my blog with the latest editor.... =.=

anyway, it took me quite a alot of time to create this list as it contains not only my own reflections, but also feedback from some of my friends.

okie, let's not waste anymore time and start with number 1. (my resolutions are not listed in order of their importance, as i wish to complete all of 'em)

1. Improve my social skills (be able to start a convo with a stranger)

 This is actually my DAILY resolution, i am really putting effort into trying to improve this everyday. Although i know very well i am still far from being a chatterbox, but i would like to think that i have made some improvements in this area. If i came to UTAR with 0 social skills, i think i have maybe 30 now...[if social skills can be measured la... =) ]

2. Make decisions

Suggested by one of my friends actually, but i feel its kinda good. This means that, should not juz keep saying anything, anywhere etc. when making plans and that sort of stuff. Instead make a decision.

3. Show more compassion and concern towards friends

 I was really taken aback when one of my friends said i was not the kind of friend to share secrets with (not bcoz i am mulut tempayan ok? its bcoz i am too happy go lucky type). Well, to hear this from a fren is disappointing, to hear it from a friend since Primary 1 is hurtful. So, i will definitely work on this.

4. Do not be angry

Yeap, not control my temper, but rather don be angry at all. Will elaborate more at the end of the post. (read the italics with the same colour)

5. Earn some money

Well, to me,a boy will only be a man when he starts to earn a living. Enuf said. i'll remember my godsis' advice though, pride comes before fall.

6. Enjoy life as it is
'With one eye set on the destination, u only have one left for the journey'. This is a sentence i took out from a book. It means to enjoy the process of life and not be too caught up on the goals. 'Happiness is a journey, not a destination'.


7. Be more helpful

Need to elaborate samo?

8. GPA 4.0 (at least once)
Hehehe, don tell me i cant just because even someone else cant get it. I know i couldnt even achieve it foundations and its even harder now that it's degree. But i am also one year more mature now, i know my priorities. Just because i've neva beaten someone else doesnt mean i cant, it only means i haven. ; )

Ta-dah, those a re my 8 resolutions for 2011. And as many of u already know, goals should be measurable and specific, but besides my eighth resolution, they're all impossible to measure. But i don really mind, bcoz this is my resolution and i need only explain to myself in the end whether i've achieve it.

Oh yeah, regarding resolution number 4, i will not allow any negative thoughts to invade my brain anymore, not a single one. Therefore, there's no reason to be angry, or sad at all rite if i only focus on cultivating my positive thoughts. Of coz its impossible to achieve this overnight, but i have a whole year to do this and i am already well into the process now.

Even when unfortunate things happen to us, its only part of the obstacles to bring us to where we're suppose to be. Just stop for a second and think about it, every single moment of good, sweet, happy, bitter, or sad is wat lead u to where u are now. The bitter moments that've made u cry, the moments which made u regret u ever did it, but then u're still here reading my blog, it wasn't the end of the world.

Btw, i m always there for my friends, i know i give the impression that i m a lazy person but i m always willing to help and u ppl can always share ur probs with me. I am really fine n happy, i know i may not smile 24 hours but i m really really fine in the inside. I will remember to bring my smile always from today onwards.

ok peeps, another post have come to an end...

P/S- i do not know how someone came into my brain and stole my idea, coz she posted her new year resolutions in almost the same way that i wanted to post...=.= so vry paiseh for 'copying'.. XD

chiao....