My regrets~

Thinking back on my 4 years in UTAR, I've realised what a jerk I've been.

I've lost my temper on many of my friends whom I hold dear. Constantly losing my patience and venting my frustrations on wonderful friends that have always been quick to accept my apology and forgive me for being an ass-clown.

My temperament has also got me into arguments with the two person I've known since the very first class we had together and treat as brothers. However, at times, these brief periods of cold war has led me to the point where I am no longer able to see myself as a brother. 

I've offended ppl without even trying... some have experienced it not for the first time. At times I do wonder why is it always me that triggers off these things. Why is it always me that blabs these stupid words.

Lastly, being a jerk for getting into a r'ship too soon. I felt that I've provided only emotional scars in that period of almost 2 years. I wasn't mature enough. If given a chance to do things all over again, we most probably will still be separated, but there are some parts where I wish i could've changed.

I've decided not to include any names as I doubt anyone still reads these ancient blog, those who do will probably know who they are when they see it. At times, it really is difficult to look at them eye to eye and pretend nothing happened after all the shit that I've said. 

Regardless of what has happened, I will always treasure the wonderful memories behind all these stupid moments. 

I wish that, 

for once u know what is going wrong....

enjoy this song while I complete my 100th post....

Update

All intersections come to an end....no matter how beautiful.....=)

Haih....

What happens when ur dad tells u that he doesn't have money to pay for your university fees???

Well, my mom has to fork out every single cent of her extremely small (and getting even smaller) savings....

I really wish to end this nx 2 years ASAP!!! its nt that i don enjoy life in UTAR, but i want to graduate and work and and fend for myself....

I admit i do not live a life of a person who is poverty-stricken and can still afford the occasional entertainment and good meals but this is bcoz of my mom who makes me feel like the luckiest son in the world.

Money is immaterial to her as long as she is able to keep me happy, she teaches numerous tuition classes after a tiring day in school to earn the extra money.

When i didnt manage to get my PTPTN loan, i thought that i was going to suffer from then on... but she never once failed to get me the things i want, she'll always ask whether i have enuf clothes for CNY even after i have used up the money she gave me and also never rejects when i want to go on a trip with frens.

I hate the fact that i m using her hard-earned money, i feel no joy in getting things for myself or when i get gifts for others bcoz it is not mine. Everytime i spend, an ounce of guilt is added to my heart.....

I hate it when people deduce that i m rich bcoz i hav a car, in fact, i feel shameful, bcoz while others are still cycling i gave up to the challenges and asked her for a car. How can a person be poor when he can still drive a car rite? i know, bcoz that's wat i'll think as well....

All i can do now is ask her to persevere for another 2 years. She has made me the luckiest son in the world for the past 19 years, and in 2 years time i want to make her the luckiest and happiest mom for the rest of her life....

thx for everything....u have been my guidance in the past, my present pillar of strength, and you will be the foundation of everything i do in the future..... =)

Ideas

Any suggestions on wat my next post should be about? XD

New Year's Resolutions (finally)....

*sigh of relief* finally i can post this up... i know its already 20th January, but i was having some trouble editing my fonts, as i didn update my blog with the latest editor.... =.=

anyway, it took me quite a alot of time to create this list as it contains not only my own reflections, but also feedback from some of my friends.

okie, let's not waste anymore time and start with number 1. (my resolutions are not listed in order of their importance, as i wish to complete all of 'em)

1. Improve my social skills (be able to start a convo with a stranger)

 This is actually my DAILY resolution, i am really putting effort into trying to improve this everyday. Although i know very well i am still far from being a chatterbox, but i would like to think that i have made some improvements in this area. If i came to UTAR with 0 social skills, i think i have maybe 30 now...[if social skills can be measured la... =) ]

2. Make decisions

Suggested by one of my friends actually, but i feel its kinda good. This means that, should not juz keep saying anything, anywhere etc. when making plans and that sort of stuff. Instead make a decision.

3. Show more compassion and concern towards friends

 I was really taken aback when one of my friends said i was not the kind of friend to share secrets with (not bcoz i am mulut tempayan ok? its bcoz i am too happy go lucky type). Well, to hear this from a fren is disappointing, to hear it from a friend since Primary 1 is hurtful. So, i will definitely work on this.

4. Do not be angry

Yeap, not control my temper, but rather don be angry at all. Will elaborate more at the end of the post. (read the italics with the same colour)

5. Earn some money

Well, to me,a boy will only be a man when he starts to earn a living. Enuf said. i'll remember my godsis' advice though, pride comes before fall.

6. Enjoy life as it is
'With one eye set on the destination, u only have one left for the journey'. This is a sentence i took out from a book. It means to enjoy the process of life and not be too caught up on the goals. 'Happiness is a journey, not a destination'.


7. Be more helpful

Need to elaborate samo?

8. GPA 4.0 (at least once)
Hehehe, don tell me i cant just because even someone else cant get it. I know i couldnt even achieve it foundations and its even harder now that it's degree. But i am also one year more mature now, i know my priorities. Just because i've neva beaten someone else doesnt mean i cant, it only means i haven. ; )

Ta-dah, those a re my 8 resolutions for 2011. And as many of u already know, goals should be measurable and specific, but besides my eighth resolution, they're all impossible to measure. But i don really mind, bcoz this is my resolution and i need only explain to myself in the end whether i've achieve it.

Oh yeah, regarding resolution number 4, i will not allow any negative thoughts to invade my brain anymore, not a single one. Therefore, there's no reason to be angry, or sad at all rite if i only focus on cultivating my positive thoughts. Of coz its impossible to achieve this overnight, but i have a whole year to do this and i am already well into the process now.

Even when unfortunate things happen to us, its only part of the obstacles to bring us to where we're suppose to be. Just stop for a second and think about it, every single moment of good, sweet, happy, bitter, or sad is wat lead u to where u are now. The bitter moments that've made u cry, the moments which made u regret u ever did it, but then u're still here reading my blog, it wasn't the end of the world.

Btw, i m always there for my friends, i know i give the impression that i m a lazy person but i m always willing to help and u ppl can always share ur probs with me. I am really fine n happy, i know i may not smile 24 hours but i m really really fine in the inside. I will remember to bring my smile always from today onwards.

ok peeps, another post have come to an end...

P/S- i do not know how someone came into my brain and stole my idea, coz she posted her new year resolutions in almost the same way that i wanted to post...=.= so vry paiseh for 'copying'.. XD

chiao....

Grenade

hooked on this song at the moment....
i juz like the song ok...i'll never do the things mentioned...hehe

chiao....

Rest

I've had an awesome week!!!!!! albeit alot of money was spend....

X'mas Eve- went for dinner with family n relatives and countdown in portuguese settlement... met my kampar friends Heng Han and En En...

X'mas- went to Elliott's house for visiting and also lunch... awesome food btw... his dad is a chef from Hawaii... *drools*

26th Dec- Went to Shaun's house (p.settlement oso) for dinner.... trying to enter the place was like trying to enter the castle... police at very entrance n oso inside... awesome food again... his dad operates a restaurant in Genting..(The Olive.. go try it..) *droolsx2* oh yea... met many friends that day.. haven met them for a long time... then we planned to go futsal the nx day...

27th Dec- had a nice game of futsal with my friends (too many to list out...)and after that went to hav lunch and cendol with them... the food there was dirt cheap too... mee rebus plus a bowl of delicious cendol for oni rm3.00!!!

28th Dec- My pal from Segamat... yang amat berhormat Phua Wei Kian came too melaka... so of coz i went to dp to bodyguard him while he was choosing clothes in Padini and Brands Outlet....

29th Dec- was suppose to go to kl to meet Jo... but bcoz of inconvenience for her.... had to postpone... ended up going to poke some balls(pool) with Yi Heng, Jared, Ruth and Shi Min.... nice game.. and after that went for dinner in Breeks Cafe (if u don mind the price, its delicious =))

30th Dec- watched The Tourist n met Mau, ts, ruth, siva n brendan... but din watch together bcoz they watched the same movie before me..lol...then had cake in Nadeje...

31st Dec- Spent most of my last day of the year in KL shopping for clothes.....and then went back to Jonker Street in Melaka for countdown, i really regretted this decision, not because i had to cramp like sardine but bcoz of something else.... then we went for Supper in Pak Putra, had great chat with them as usual which brightened up my first few hours of 2011..=) oh yeah... i met Heng Han again... lol...and oso my Moral Groupmates (Yan Lin) bf....(Jason Tan)...XD

PS~ did i mention i missed the bus and failed to countdown??? =.=

As for today.... HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011!!!!!! for the few readers of my blog and also the even fewer ones who read till the end.....

i m staying at home n resting for today... feels quiet though now that i finally hav some time....lol

thats all for today...

chiao.... Happy New Year frm me once again!!!!

Update~

It's the middle of the nite again.... same old prob... cant sleep bcoz i either WOKE UP LATE or SLEPT IN THE EVENING

Every time when i am lying on my bed... i start to wish i have somebody(can be anybody) to talk to....

but then i know that even if there is someone who is willing to talk to me.... i wont know wat to say anyway....

its like.. there's a thousand feelings mashed up together n its impossible to put it into words...

i wonder if other ppl feel this way as well or i m juz weird....

There are so many things i wish to accomplish that instead of fulfilling them one by one, i decide to avoid all of them completely... and just do nothing.....

i always use a person to set a standard for myself... while i used to be equal if not ahead, now that person has improved by leaps and bounds and i m still stationary....

i think my development as a human has stagnated.....

HOWEVER...thank god... i am still capable of something that i am always good at... self-reflection... i review myself all the time... =)

therefore... instead of feeling sorry myself and putting up an emo post... i hav set up a plan for the new year....

i am definitely going all out to achieve it nx year... and i m confident of being able to do it....XD

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year in advance everyone....

chiao..... =)

Untitled

If something belongs to u... it'll always return to u.....

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to You~

Happy Birthday to You~

Happy Birthday to Shi Min & Shi Ting~~~

Happy Birthday to You~

You can do it....

due to my other commitments such as moral midterm, endless discussions for moral campaign, japanese presentation and the execution of the moral campaign itself.... i left myself with only ONE DAY to prepare for my p.malaysia mid term test....

However, i am not going to use that as an excuse to score badly.... i've done 24 hours of intense reading.... hopefully i can do well tmr....

my moral midterm was EXTREMELY bad btw.... i think its the 1st time in my life i cant answer ALL THE QUESTIONS!!!!! and its only 25 true/false questions.... haih...

Good Luck Gary.... u can do it... =)

chiao....

Why not me.....

ok... this is definitely my current favourite song.... i think it will be for some time.... absolutely love it..... finally found a song that replaces my previous favourite song which has been for about 2 years....





its really meaningful.... give it a listen...=) *added video with lyrics....*

Grrr

On Monday, i pledged to be vegetarian and eat only cereals for breakfast and dinner (lunch can be any meal provided it is vegetarian) for 2 weeks.... yeah..means no meat for me for 2 entire weeks starting monday(its been 3 days)...

but now.... my perseverance is being tested by.....


good old McDonalds has decided to release his brand new Burger for this month....

damn it McDonalds....

And NO thanks to CHENG SHAN MAY for posting and advertising that she hav tasted it in FB samo.....

pls pls pls Gary... RESIST!!!!!!!!!

thats all.... will update soon to report whether i managed to resist or did i decide to give in and sink my teeth into those juicy tender chicken patties *swallows*....

chiao....

If I Die Young....

Nice song... enjoy.... =)

Distractions....

I am starting to feel i am under-stressed..... while i see ppl saying that they are getting extremely busy, lack of time, stress-ed and etc because of mid term n assignments..... i m doing ntg....

all my mind is thinking about when i m free is

i juz keep thinking about how am i going to get my darn players to win a damn match!!!!!! i decided to manage Liverpool bcoz i thought i could be a better manager than Roy Hodgson... but damn... the Liverpool team sux big time.... haha

Besides that.... i m oso in the final season of Lost....

haih.... i spend my weekends and even today doing nothing xcept watch Lost n play Football Manager... while my frens are busy discussing bout their moral campaign (diff group)...

why am i so free when everyone else is busy??? this is bad..... XD

chiao.... Japanese mid term is on thursday.... haven touch...=.=

sayonara!!!!!

Skipping classes.....

I have only attended a total of 1 and a half moral class after 2 weeks... and i will not elaborate further on other subs....

So i am here to share some of my thoughts.... its going to be quite long n dull.. but i juz feel like expressing my opinions in my blog...

For me, i skip classes because sometimes i do not see the point in attending the lectures at all.... in lectures, the lecturers are trying to teach us by helping us understand from his/her point of view... but i feel that in our studies, the best way to learn something is finding our own ways to understand that topic... everyone has their own methods... therefore i prefer to study myself...

I have listen to ppl telling me that they do not want to skip classes bcoz they are good boy/girl... but then if we attend the lectures and still end up talking,sleeping n mobile fb-ing... then i might as well sleep on my comfy bed and fb on my laptop.... going to classes does not give u better results, wat u do during the lectures is wat determine the results....

but then who am i to be saying all this crap rite? my results are just average.... who am i to be telling ppl on how to get good results? i know there are many ppl with CGPA of 3.8 n above n are very proud of it... well, congrats to u ppl... well done...

i personally do not judge my results based on the CGPA... instead i prefer to look at our input:output ratio... means the number of hours spend studying (input) and our CGPA (output)...

everytime during the study week, or days near the exams, assignment deadlines etc... there will definitely be ppl complaining "i m going to die soon"... "stresssssss"....n resort to locking themselves up n studying like mad for many many many hours per day... ok... some of them get the desired results.... 3.0 and above and they are satisfied.... and then there are those who are still having fun n get decent-average CGPA... and some fail some subs....

in university i always tell myself that if i compare my input:output ratio to others, than mine will definitely be one of the best if not the best.... HOWEVER, i hav finally seen someone who put less input than me n get better output...therefore i will be working harder nx sem... i m going to stop lying to myself n work harder....

IMHO... come on la... we only hav 4-5 years of uni life and then its working time....we're definitely going to be busy at that time trying to earn a living and putting food on the table for our families.... AND THEN... we prepare to depart from this world.....

at this moment.. when i am at my deathbed... i think the question i will be asking myself is...."have i enjoyed this life"? "how was my schooling and University memories"? and not "did i get 3.8 and above CGPA" or "have i earn more money than everyone else"?

therefore,i feel that.. so wat if we fail sometimes or get bad results.... (ok i don wanna fail either ok... i will be vry sad as well) at least at the end of our journey we can tell ourselves that..

"~YES, I HAVE MADE THE MOST OUT OF MY LIFE~"

so who cares if during the process we fall sometimes.... as long as we reach the destination before everything ends....

chiao...

Sigh....

finally hav time to blog... since i am waiting in the ict lab for my nx class to start....

btw i injured my damn leg because of futsal...i grazed the area near knee... its juz a normal skin injury actually... but coz its at the joint area... it hurts when i bend my knees... now i hav to limp like an idiot in campus.... and also roll my pants up slightly....=.=

anyways... i m taking 4 subs this sem.... all are non-CGPA related subjects since its the short sem..

relax eh??? NO!!!!!!! alot of assignments and presentations in juz 7 weeks and a campaign too....

okie.... i m done updating.... the strangers around me are staring and wondering wat i m typing... so i m going to put an end to their curiosity....

chiao.....

Zzzz

I think i m suffering from depression.....

In 2 days time i will be going back to the HOUSE WITH NO INTERNET CONNECTION!!!

arrghh.... pls pls pls pls tell me they've repaired the damn connection....